msn

two msn chats. One no respond. One worries about me. One doesn't care. One warms my heart. In this late night, I know why I am here. And while I feel being abandon there is an angel who warm my heart. Care and being cared, can I choose the latter?

Disappointed

why i still online at this hour

after a long day of work

after 15 hours of work

am i not tired

and i was abandoned at the side

i dont care whatever reasons you gave

i just cant accept

whatever

leave me alone!

I have enough of this!

because of love

because of love

he was forgiven after he bit mum for the first time

because of love

he was forgiven after he bit me for the first time

because of love

he was forgiven after he bit brother for the first time

But

Did he learn his lesson?

We still love him

but what if there is a day we have no choice but have to let him go?

because he keeps hurting us

What should we do?

Just like me and you

Do you know how many times I doubted?

Do you know how many times I tried finding reason to find a way out for you?

But what kind of situation I have caused myself into?

I'm so tired.

I don't mind going extra mile.

I don't mind being used.

but the bites are painful.

and expensive beyond my ability to bear.

Chances have been given

Trust have been channeled

Done.

Vampire Bites

Tears flowed down as the bites were made

He looked good in a way, not as good as twilight though

Two bites were made and returned nothing

He called upon his senior

Another two bites were made

Tears flowed down again

I was not kind of person who can take a lot pain

And they told no much pain but sour and discomfort

Yes, not much pain!

You let me poke you and see if you can still tell me not much pain

heart was sorrowful

neck was painful

yet i was still all alone

i can only pray, and pray and pray

When I was alone at the corridor

I tried so hard to get phone reception

I tried to get someone and hoping for some care

And I couldn't

I looked at the number and mine was getting closer

And I got more scared

Can I ask, is being scared equal to not trusting God?

I really wonder, and wondered.

I know He will take care of me

I was just too worried how would it be when the needle poked

I just needed someone to talk to and not list of Scriptures

Sorry if I got to a wrong person

The inbox was empty. Were you there?

I did not demand you to be there all the time

But you were not there at that critical moment

And it become pointless when you asked afterward

Sorry if I am too demanding

Cried because of pain

more because of worry

even more because of I was alone there

and I asked why must I go through this

why

2010 July The 2nd. Morning

Woke up earlier than the alarm

Still tired and headache but can't continue to sleep

Too many things in my mind

Maybe this is due to I'm not a detail person and my job requires me to be one

and thus my mind is alert all the time in order to avoid any mistake

Is that possible?

Keep on reminding myself to jot down anything when they come into my mind

in order to avoid missing out something

Is my mind exhausted? Or will it?

I keep telling myself its a good training ground

I don't mind multi-tasking

I don't mind going extra mile

However, will I be able to survive?

God, You have led me throughout the times

All the hardship that I am going and went through

Lord, I fully submit all my challenges unto Your hand

Lead me like You have led me

Amen.

2010 July The 1st

A new beginning

A new chapter

A new job

A new challenge

I pray that You are the One who lead me into.

I prayed and I am not sure if it is Your answer.

And I can only live by faith.

Is a little obstacle Your indication for a wrong move?

Or it is just a little training?

I used to look far and further and now no more...

I can't even think of next week how am I going to think about next month...

You are the only source of Strength, Lord.

You are the only Light of Guidance, Lord.

You are the only Provider, Lord.

I can only rely on You.

This is an expensive lesson.

This is not easy.

I am weak, O Lord, but You are strong

I am not praying for smooth sailing but for the courage to go through the storm.

I am not praying for obstacle free journey but the wisdom to overcome them.

I am not praying for an easy life but a life to walk closely with You.

1st July 2010

To mark down a new chapter of life.

And I dedicate this chapter of life to the Lord Almighty.

Amen.